


Letting go of the pain

by Sevenlymads99



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Found Families, exploring mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:14:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27844303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevenlymads99/pseuds/Sevenlymads99
Summary: Post Lawsuit where Buck does not get treated better by the team. He and Maddie set out to make a new life for themselves.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 140





	1. Chapter 1

It had now been 3 months since Buck returned to station house 118 and he never thoughts he would feel so depressed and disconnected from those he thought were his family. Ever since the lawsuit ended Bobby treated him like a servant and everyone else in the house acted like he was their whipping boy. Where he once laughed and joked with Chim, he now degraded Buck’s intelligence and past sexual history. It only got worse when Maddie broke up with him over his treatment of Buck, and Chim though blamed it all on Buck rather than accepting responsibility for his own actions. Hen basically ignored him which he didn’t know if that was better or worse than Chim being cruel. The worst of them all though was Eddie. Eddie had banned him for speaking or seeing Christopher, even Carla has been warned not to talk to him or she would be fired. At work Eddie would use any excuse to belittle him or shove him when he could. The only saving grace was that he was not on calls, because he worried if he was no one would watch his back when he needed them. It would all end today thought Buck. 

As we was packing his bag at the end of shift, he heard Eddie and Chim once again insulting him.

“I honestly don’t even know why he shows up here anymore. Can’t the guy take a hint that we hate him and don’t want him here.” As Chim walked past him laughing, Eddie made sure to knock into him which caused him to hit the lockers pretty hard. Buck sighed but didn’t say a word. He kept his head down while he walked outside to Maddie who was waiting in her car. 

She did though see the glistening of tears in her brother’s eyes and did not even have to ask to know what had happened. She instead focused on what her brother really needed. “All set baby brother?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I’m ready to go.” He replied. She turned and saw Chim staring at her but she refused to maintain eye contact and drove away. 

A few days later Bobby was angrily pacing in the kitchen wondering where the hell Buckley was at. Hen, Chim and Eddie noticed his absence but honestly thought they were better off without him. That was when the Fire Chief and young man walked up the stair.

Bobby said “Chief, I didn’t know you were coming by. What can I do for you?” 

The Chief trying to control his temper simply asked to move their conversation into his office then looked at the young man and said “Denton, go unpack your stuff. Then get acquainted with your new team mates. 

Eddie looked confused and realized no one know what was going on here. While Bobby then went into his office with the Chief.

The Chief remained standing while he finally addressed Bobby. “Now listen here. I don’t know what kind of house you’re running here. But understand that from here on out you are under the careful supervision of my office.” Bobby started spluttering confused as to what was going on. The Chief continued with “Firefighter Buckley has resigned from his position and before you bad mouth the kid, just know that the complaints against you and this house came from outside sources and were validated by others.”

Bobby now began to get mad and said “Sir, I don’t know what you are talking about but if Buck really did resign then you should see the issue is with him and not my house.” The Chief then glared down at Bobby. “Clearly you are not understanding the concerns here…. I have reports of an able firefighter being used as a maid, bullying and discrimination. And to top it all off physical abuse by firefighter Diaz against Buckley.” 

With those last words Bobby finally realized the gravity of the situation and put his head in his hands. However, the Chief was not done “As of right now you and your team are all under review pending charges. Firefighter Diaz will be placed on suspension immediately. If you or your team attempt to contact Buckley in any way, I will personally see that none f you ever get a job as a firefighter ever again. You should be lucky that he dropped the lawsuit against you, with all of this he would have had your jobs and the 8 million dollars he was offered.”

The Chief then left the office and approached Eddie informing him of his suspension. Chim and Hen who were nearby heard this and saw Eddie lose his temper and begin yelling at the Chief. “What do you mean suspended. What the hell has that asshole been telling you. He’s nothing but a liar!”

“Firefighter Diaz, if you continue with this blatant disrespect you will not have to worry about suspension since I will fire you. Now gather your things and go home. You all should expect a phone call to schedule an interview to investigate the allegations against you.”

Hen and Chim were now furious as well and went to talk to Bobby, while Eddie gathered his things and decided to go straight to Buck’s to give him a piece of his mind and maybe more. 

When Eddie arrived at Buck’s apartment, he attempted to use the key he had given to him, but found that it wouldn’t work. Eddie then began to bang on the door and yell at Buck to open up or else. He then heard a voice from the door that said that if he did not leave immediately, they would call 9-1-1. Eddie laughed hysterically and said “Go ahead, tell that mother fucker he can go to hell and when the police show up, they will help him. The traitor that he is.” 

The person said nothing else, while a bunch of the neighbors peaked out their doors and then slammed them shut. Ten minutes later 2 police officers showed up asking Eddie to step away from the door and put his hands where they can see them. 

Buck’s door opened and an unknown young female came out to speak to the officers about her fears stating that she has been living in this apartment for over a month and does not know a Buck, but was worried for their safety. Eddie was shocked into silence for the first time hearing that Buck did not live their anymore. The officers asked Eddie for the key and for him to leave the property immediately or be arrested.

Eddie then went home. In the car he called Chim and Bobby to fill them in on what happened. Bobby surprising yelled at Eddie telling him to not engage in any form of communication with Buck again per the Chief’s orders. Chim said he would try to call Maddie. They all decided to meet up at Bobby’s house to discuss everything. 

When Chim arrived, he said that Maddie’s phone number had been disconnected, and when he tried Buck’s he got the same notice. They all sat there in their anger and confusion while Bobby explained what the accusations against them were.

Without noticing Athena walked in and listened to what they were saying while she fumed at their ignorance and behavior. She finally made her presence known and told them all “I am so ashamed of you all for how you treated a supposed family member. I guess though you will be happy to know that you no longer have to deal with Buck. He and Maddie moved, and NO I won’t tell you where to or how to contact them. They deserve a fresh start away from all of you. 

Thousands of miles away Buck and Maddie were finishing to unload all their boxes into their new home…..


	2. Hello Texas!!

Thousands of miles away Buck and Maddie were unloading the last of their boxes into the new house. Buck had been contacted by a captain in Austin to come and join him over a month ago. At first Buck had politely asked for some time to think on it. However, that same day he had an altercation with Eddie outside of the station that left Buck shaking in fear. He knew for his sanity and mental health he had to leave. 

He went to Maddie to ask her opinion and she supported him fully, even going to Josh to see if he had any connections in Austin for a possible job opening for herself. Josh’s friend Grace was a godsend and after meeting with Maddie put in a good work for her at their call center. So the two of them made plans to move to Austin for the both of them to start fresh.

Buck was so happy that he had Maddie and that together they would fight for their own happy ending. He was though nervous about the new house and how he would be received. Thankfully he had 2 weeks to get himself fully moved in and acquainted with the town.

Buck and Maddie had found a charming 3 bedroom, 2 bath, ranch style home for them to share. They decided to live together for awhile to help save up money for their futures. 

One thing though Maddie had insisted was for buck to find a good therapist to help him with his PTSD and his self esteem issues. Reluctantly he agreed but would make sure he found a right fit with a therapist. 

He hadn’t told Maddie the specifics of his last therapy session, to not worry her. But Buck felt a lot of anxiety about starting therapy. He knew he needed it though to help with his trauma and depression. Some nights he was too afraid to even sleep in fear of his night terrors and other days he struggled to get out of bed and eat. He knew if he wanted to get back to being a firefighter though he would need to get better. 

Buck decided that he would go and meet with his new captain and try and get help from the start. 

That following Monday found Buck waking into House 126 to meet with Captain Strand. Walking in buck couldn’t help but look in awe at the station and seeing how close the team were with one another. A young Hispanic man walked up to him asking if he needed help.

“Hi, I’m Evan Buckley. I’m here to meet with Captain Strand.” Buck put his hand out for the Amman to shake.

“Hey there. I’m Mateo and you’re our newest member. It’s so nice to meet you. Our captain has said wonderful things about you.” Mateo said while shaking Buck’s hand. 

Buck was so surprised to be treated so well and pleasantly that it must have showed on his face. Another slightly older man came over and rescued him. “Hey, I’m Judd. Or better yet the husband of Grace who I know helped you and your sister with moving here.” Buck smiled wide and shook Judd’s hand while sending along a big thank you from him to Grace. Judd then walked Buck up to the captains office.

“Hey Cap, your new recruit is here for you. See you later Buckley.” Judd said while waving bye.

Owen stood up from beside his desk as we walked over to shake Buck’s hand and gestured for him to sit down.

“Well Buckley, I hope the move here went smoothly for you. It’s nice to finally meet you in person. I have to say I’m really excited that you took the job.” Buck felt so at ease with Captain Strand.

“Thank you sir, for giving me this opportunity knowing all that you do.” Buck said hesitantly.

Owen looked at Buck for a moment and saw that this kid had a lot of walls up and needing a guiding hand. “May I call you Evan?” Buck nodded. “Great. You can just saw me cap or Owen. I want you to know Evan that I hand pushed you for this team knowing you could make a difference.”

“Thank you Cap, I promise you won’t regret it. I do want to be open and up front with you. I am still on blood thinners for the time being but I know all the precautions to take and my limitations. Secondly, in confidence I would like to ask if you know any good therapists? I had a horrible experience with my last one, and I promised my sister that I would try to get help.” Buck now was looking down at his hands ashamed of himself.

Owen in his most fatherly tone said “It takes a strong person to admit when they need help. Here in my house there is not judgment or discrimination of any kind.” Buck looked so surprised and grateful for those words as Owen continued “I do know of a great therapist who has worked with someone I know. He is very professional and has a lot of experience working with first responder. If you’d like I can give you his name a number?”

Buck nodded yes and thanked his Captain.

Owen then said “I’d like you to meet the whole team before we start working. I am planning to have a barbecue at my house this Saturday. You and your sister will be my guests and the whole house will be there. How does that sound?” 

Buck looked almost in tears with feeling such a sense of belonging and being treated like a human again. He said “we’d love to come over Cap. Thank you for the invitation.”

Owen waved him off while they both stood up and walked to the door. “It’s my pleasure Evan. I’ll text you the details, but here’s my number. If you need anything don’t hesitate to call or text.” Owen said while he passed him a slip of paper with his phone number on it. 

As Buck walked out the station Mateo and Judd called out a goodbye to him and said they’d see him Saturday. 

Buck left with a smile on his face and the warmth of a new beginning. He even went home and scheduled a first appt with the therapist. 

Meanwhile back in L.A. all hell was breaking loose at the 118...


	3. Fighting and Consequences

Meanwhile back in LA all hell was breaking loose at the 118. After having initial interviews with the Fire Department both Eddie and Bobby were placed on administrative leave pending further investigation. Chim and Hen were both reprimanded with permanent letters of misconduct on their files and then they had split the two up. Both were ordered to complete sensitivity training as well as being placed with new teams to be retrained if possible. Both were miserable and still very upset with Buck, believing that they still did nothing wrong and this affected their work as well as their relationships with other Firemen. It was now well known throughout the city the ways in which they treated a fellow fireman and still tried to take no accountability. 

When Bobby was confronted with all the reports of his abuse towards Buck and the fact that it was verified by so many people, he finally began to feel the weight of his choices. Bobby agreed to the leave without any fuss and scheduled to receive individual counseling. At home, Athena was giving him the cold shoulder for his actions and the kids seemed to pick up on his guilt and were avoiding conflict with him too. Bobby honestly didn’t know how and where it all went wrong, but at least he was finally owning up to his problems. The Fire Department was now assessing if he could possibly return to duty but not in the position of Captain. 

Eddie though was now in the worst situation of them all. He was placed on leave since the Fire Department found out about his illegal street fighting after he almost killed a man. They also cited him for gross negligence for coming to the job injured placing his teammates and civilians in danger. Due to his anger and now not having any good outlet, he returned to the fighting scene with a vengeance in order to keep up with his bills. He officially quit the Fire Department rather than wanting to admit his mistakes. This though caused him to be more withdrawn in the home and poor Christopher couldn’t understand what was going on with his dad. He at least had Carla who was stepping in more and more to care for Christopher since Eddie’s absence. 

Things all came to a head 6 weeks later when Bobby was woken in the middle of the night with a phone call.

Groggily, he answered his phone “Hello? Yes, this is him. Wait… What? Yes. I’ll be there as quickly as I can.” Bobby rushed to get out of bed waking up Athena. “Bobby? What is it?” She asked now getting concerned. 

Bobby quickly started putting on some clothes while he said “Eddie was brought into the ER with multiple injuries. Since I’m his emergency contact, they need me to come down and talk about treatment.” 

Athena now extremely worried got dressed quickly and called Michael to come watch the kids once they woke up. They decided to wait to call Chim and Hen until they knew more information. 

They walked up to front desk and signed and, and were told to sit down and wait for the Dr. After 20 minutes the Dr came out.

“Mr. Nash? My name is Dr Hernandez. I am the attending ER Dr treating Mr. Diaz. He was brought in at about 1am by EMT. All we know is that they found him in an abandoned warehouse and that someone had called 911 to report an injury. Mr. Diaz is suffering from massive head trauma, a broken arm, and 4 broken ribs which one punctured his lung. We have stabilized him after surgery, but we are concerned with the head trauma.” The Dr was trying to look hopeful but both Bobby and Athena grew more solemn with each word.

“Do you know what caused the injuries?” Athena asked.

“Honestly it looks like he was beaten to a pulp. The officers called to the scene may have more information for you. Right now, we are moving him to ICU to better keep an eye out for any complications. We will call you both when visiting hours open up.” With that the Dr walked away with their thanks.

Athena turned to Bobby and said “I’m going to make some calls and see what I can find out.”

Bobby nodded and said “I’ll call Chim, Hen and Carla to update them. Hopefully, Carla can take Chris to his grandmother’s house. Jeez, that poor kid… how are we supposed to tell him about any of this.” Athena grabbed his hand and said “Let’s focus on one thing at a time.

Bobby sat down with his head in his hands trying to replay everything in his mind. He realized now that if he hadn’t been so blinded by his own anger, he would have recognized the warning signs in Eddie. He was finally seeing how Buck had no choice but to leave in order to save his own sanity. Bobby sat and cried for all the things he should have done, and made a vow to not let Eddie become another victim like Buck was. 

That following afternoon unbeknownst to Buck or Maddie they arrived at Owen’s house for the barbeque…


	4. Thoughts and Barbeque

Buck woke up that morning feeling very anxious and lost in his own thoughts about attending the barbeque. He had scheduled his first therapy appt for the following week, but was worried about the impression he would make with his new teammates. Buck sat lost in his own thoughts of feeling like he has no self-worth since all those he cared about always left him. The only common denominator he could identify was that he was not good enough for anyone to stay with him. As his thoughts continued to spiral Maddie called out to him asking if he wanted breakfast. Buck then realized that he was barely breathing and took a deep breath in while also unclenching his hands and muscles in his back. He was brought back to some awareness but his anxiety and self loathing would stick with him.

“I’ll be right out Maddie.” Buck said as he went to take a shower and at least try to continue to calm his body down. He knew that his symptoms of PTSD were very high and he needed to learn how to manage it better, but couldn’t help but feel like his thoughts just spiraled no matter what he did. 

Once he was done, he exited the bathroom and sat down at the counter to eat his breakfast with Maddie. He looked over at his sister and felt such gratitude for her sticking by him, but still felt some issues with past abandonment that made him doubt her, this only ever made him feel more guilty and ashamed. 

Maddie looked at Buck and saw that he was having a rough morning but decided not to push him. “Are you excited to meet the new team?” She asked.

“I am, really. The few that I met the other day seemed like a good lot. I just hope that they have my back when they find out everything.” Buck said with certainty that everyone would know of his past transgressions.

Maddie sighed and said “Buck, no matter what anyone finds out, if they are good people, they won’t hold it against you. You won that lawsuit, and you had every right to fight for your job.” Maddie looked him in the eyes almost willing him that way to begin to believe what she was saying. Unfortunately, all she saw was his continued self-hatred and guilt. 

Buck was quiet for sometime before he responded. “I know that I was in my rights Maddie, but its hard when everyone I’ve always cared about has left me and ended up not caring about me as much as I do them.” 

Maddie came around and hugged him while saying “I know I’m on that list Buck, and I am truly sorry for leaving you alone with those monsters. I was childish and immature thinking that getting married would save me. We’ve both been through too much, but I want you to know something. No matter what, I’m on your side, I love you, and you won’t be able to get rid of me, EVER.”

Buck began to tremble and then cry with each word that she spoke. He wanted to believe her but still couldn’t shake the negative thoughts. He did resolve though to say “I know you do in my heart Maddie… It’s my head though that won’t let me believe it truly. But I will try, because I do deserve it.”

Maddie felt at least some hope with Bucks words and found herself tearing up too as she continued to hold him. 

After a little while once he was calmer, she guided Buck to the couch. “How about we watch something fun while we wait to head out?” She asked. 

Buck with an evil glint in his eye asked “Can we watch Nailed it?” Maddie started laughing at his obsession with the show but agreed. They spent the morning laughing and having fun before heading to the barbeque. 

When they arrived at the Strand’s house later that day, they were greeted by a young man at the door. “Hi there. You must be Evan and Maddie. I’m T.K. your fellow firefighter and Owen’s son. It’s nice to meet you both. He ushered them inside.

Buck marveled at the beauty of their home, and tried not to stare too much at T.K. He felt himself flush with thinking how cute he was before realizing he was the boss’s kid. Maddie smirked at him, recognizing his thoughts right away, but thankfully did not say anything.

They followed T.K. to the backyard and were surprised by how many people were there. They made the rounds and were introduced to it seemed like the whole house. Maddie quickly made friends with Grace and Michelle who were excited to begin showing her around Austin and discussed Maddie’s working alongside Grace.

Buck was drawn into a friendly competition with Marjan over who was most badass. Mateo and Paul had looked up Buck’s info online and found that he had some great videos of him online. Buck found it was easy to talk to them and knew right away they were teasing him in a good way about his past saves just like they were with Marjan. “Well, one thing is for sure. Our house is gonna be the most badass. Am I right Evan?” Marjan said. Buck laughed but agreed and they fist bumped. 

Paul and Mateo realized now that the tables had been turned and pouted at them. Buck and Marjan just kept laughing, while Judd and T.K. walked over.

Judd remarked “Well, it looks like you all are getting on like a house on fire.” He smirked.

T.K. just groaned and said “Dude, that is such a dad joke.” The others just started laughing again.

Judd though seriously asked Buck “How about it Evan, you doing ok?”

“Buck looked at all of them and smiled as he said “I am actually doing great. I really am so excited to work with you all. This team looks like its mad of great people and I can’t wait to get to know you even better.” They all smiled at him. 

“Well, that’s great, because we have a standing tradition of outings on our days off. So, since you’re the newbie, our first night out you buy the first round of drinks. Buck laughed but agreed. 

As the day turned into night, Buck felt much more confident and happier about moving to Austin. But, in the back of his mind he couldn’t help but worry about his ex-friends back home. He really misses Christopher, and even Eddie If he was being honest with himself, and hoped they were doing well.

Little did Buck know though that Eddie, Chris and the whole 118 were not doing well…


End file.
